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Today's post is a guest post with Kieran from bookbitchreviews who has been kind enough to share his coming out story!
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Being Gay and Attending an All Boys School
Hi everyone, I’m Kieran from bookbitchreviews and
the lovely Faridah kindly emailed me and asked if I wanted to guest post on her
blog. And as you can see, I said yes! The reason I said yes is because my blog
is very diverse and although I talk about books, I also talk about all things
LGBT, Mental Illnesses such as Depression and Suicide.
Today I wanted to talk about my coming out while
attending an all boys school and the affects it had on me as a person and my
life.
I had just turned 16 when I came out to everyone. It
was 3 months after my birthday and my friend just randomly asked if I was gay.
I answered back that I wasn’t, but then backtracked and told him the truth. I
was worried that he’d dislike the truth but he was completely happy for me. (He
later came out as gay, which totally made sense after everything.) He advised
me to tell my parents, on my own accord, but just so that they knew and that I
didn’t keep the secret in any longer, because the truth is it was weighing me
down.
I told my parents that night and I was one of the
lucky ones whose parents already knew and just wanted them to tell them. My
parents always told me that “They’d always love me, no matter what.” As a
child, so I knew there was nothing to worry about really. However not everyone
are as accepting.
I came out on the Thursday (There was no school
Friday) and by the time school had started back up on Monday everyone had
somehow found out about it. I’ve never found out how, but I guess one person
told a friend and then they told their friend, and the cycle began, I guess.
At first I wasn’t sure how they were going to react.
I attended an all boy’s school where you were bullied and beat up if you
weren’t “manly”. Coming out made me a
target, it was like I had someone following me around with a massive sign
reading “This guy is GAY” with an arrow pointing to me. Some were curious about
it and some were just plain rude. And I don’t want to scare you off of coming
out, I’m just telling you my truth, my story.
For the first few weeks, people were actually quiet
about things but then everything changed. I became an everyday victim. I’d be
called the generic homophobic names, tripped over and pushed into walls. And
that was it for the most part but then things changed. I was still called
names, always was until I left, but I wasn’t being tripped up or pushed
anymore. Instead they would target me with food and drinks. In fact I remember
one guy opening a can of coke, taking a swig and then throwing it at me.
Another guy also coughed phlegm onto me for no other reason than me being there
at the wrong place, wrong time.
One day things took a serious turn for the worse. A
guy actually threatened to slit my throat open in class. The teacher (Who has
always been lazy) just pretended he hadn’t heard anything, but it shook me up
real bad. I was petrified. I ended up telling my Head of Year, who then gave
him an after school detention, but I never recovered from that event. And it
wasn’t the fact that he threatened me that affected me most, it was the fact
that my school, the place I should have felt safe in, did nothing for me. They
just pretended it hadn’t happened. And no one should be made to feel unsafe in
a place where being safe is a main priority.
What a lot of people didn’t know about me in school,
including my teachers was that I actually got diagnosed with Severe Depression
in 2013. I had suffered with it, at this point, for over a year but kept quiet
about it all until I finally went and got help.
I self-harmed.
I attempted suicide.
But I fought back, I won.
I am a fighter, a warrior and most importantly a
survivor.
Being gay in an all boy’s school isn’t all negative
though. It made me realise who my true friends were and I was never discouraged
to never be my true self. When I went back for Sixth Form (The 2 years before
university) I started to wear makeup, making me finally understand that I’m not
only gay but Androgynous as well. Luckily my lessons were at a girl’s school,
but some were at my original school. They had their opinions, many negatives
but there were so many supportive people as well.
Going through hard times can make you wake up in the
real world because it isn’t all unicorns and rainbows. Sometimes those Unicorns
have knives for horns and they’re vicious, but having true friends by your side
can make everything less painful. I lost friends of 9 years, but I gained true
friendship, loyalty from the people who stood by me and accepted me. They went
through everything with me, they witnessed the bullying and they didn’t stay
quiet. They opened their mouths and told people straight. And I’m still friends
with those people now. I owe everything to them being by my side and going
through everything with me. But I mainly owe them for standing up for me, being
my allies.
The first few months will seem hard for you guys but
know that it is totally worth it. In life everyone is bullied, everyone is
going through their own nightmare. Is it right to make someone feel worthless?
No, definitely not. But it’s life. It’s school. In a few years time you’ll look
back and remember how much of an amazing person it made you. You’ll thank it in
some weird, messed up way.
Like everyone says, “It does get better!”
Thanks to Kieran for doing this post! You can find Kieran on...
Twitter // https://twitter.com/GayMonst3r
Instagram // https://instagram.com/
(Disclaimer: The Images used in this post are not mine, same with the video...i'm not nearly as awesome as Todrick Hall)
Yours Faithfully,
~ She Who Writes
Yours Faithfully,
~ She Who Writes
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